Yet another study has shown that working mothers can’t have it all. Here is the deal, working mothers have a lower risk of depression than stay-at-home moms, however when it comes to supermoms who have been sold on the idea of having it all – a super career and a fabulous family, it just doesn’t work that way. “Women are sold a story that they can do it all, but most workplaces are still designed for employees without child-care responsibilities,” said Katrina Leupp, a University of Washington sociology graduate student who led the study. In between dropping caring for a child, home and working zealously, there is always a gap and an underlying guilt of thinking you are not doing enough. I know I feel that way.
But there is some light in the tunnel, the study also says that women who expect some roadblocks are more likely to be prepared and have a better mental outcome. Which means, if you go into motherhood as a career woman thinking i’ll break the glass ceiling, raise amazing children and have sex with my husband five times a week, while cooking meals straight out of Martha Stewarts recipe book, you are indeed setting yourself up for failure. Again, there is no reason to believe that no one can achieve that, but most women who are successful claim to have help either from a stay-at-home husband, relative or house-help.
Staying employed is good for a woman’s overall mental well being, however thinking that we can do it all increases our risk for depression. It is okay to get help, or let somebody else do the tutoring. The most important thing is prioritize what is important to you, and attack your list from top to bottom. When you get to a point on your priorities where you feel somebody else can handle, then seek help.
In a press release, Leupp was quoted as saying: “You can happily combine child-rearing and a career, if you’re willing to let some things slide.” But most of the time, you just can’t let things slide, which is the only pitfall in this study. Leupp’s suggestion to let things slide could shortchange your career, which brings us back to why women aren’t breaking the glass-ceiling afterall. My answer is – get your spouse involved. Sometimes, our men come home late from work and are too tired to help around the house, we need to get them up to speed with what is going on in our world. If your husband understands that your career is a priority just as his, then he needs to pick up some slacks around the house.
Nothing will change anytime soon even after this study. Women will continue to go through depression more than men, and women with amazing careers will face the choice of staying home to rear children or pursue their career goals. In the end, we all have to do what is right for our career and family.
Great post! And very true. I’ve been labeled a supermom by my peers and family, but the truth is, i get (and need) help AND let a ton of things slide. I’m writing a book about my tips and tricks to be published soon!
happy to have found your blog – i’m going to add you to my working moms Twitter list!
Also, check out this post: http://blogs.babble.com/momcrunch/2011/08/17/representing-for-the-workplace-mom-bloggers/
Thanks Justice. I really do appreciate adding me to your twitter list. You are right, being labeled a supermom isn’t bad and we can definitely make things work by letting go of the unimportant and staying ruthlessly devoted to work that gives huge satisfaction and family activities that add value. I am also quite taken by your blog and babble posts. Looking to connect soon.
This is interesting. I feel the need to “do it all.” After trying to clean the house from top to bottom on the weekends, I told my husband to do it. He hired a cleaning service after the 1st week!! It makes me feel guilty that I don’t clean my own house but it makes me feel better about the extra time I get to spend with my family.
I am glad I found your blog.
Lisa, I used to feel guilty but its better to spend more time with the family than spending on cleaning.
Very interesting study! I can see how staying employed would be really good for your health because it encourages relationships BUT thinking that you can do it all is definitely a recipe of disaster. I am not yet a working mom but I am definitely thinking about how I want to be when I become one someday. I enjoy your blog!
Thanks. I think starting to think about the struggles of working mothers is a good start for your future as a working mother. A lot of childless young women read my blog because it prepares them for life as a working mother. Thanks for reading, and I have since directed friends to your blog as well. Love it
Oh, SNAP! Yes, we can let things slide . . . But then we have to live with dust bunnies the size of elephants and dirty dishes in the sink. Not. Fun. And honestly, my husband IS helping. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.
I LOVED this post! Thanks for sharing!
You are so right, I feel like I am cramming so much into the day even with the husband’s help, there is so much to do. And with every research saying we need to eat healthy, cook our own meals, do yoga, zumba, run marathons, exercise, spend time with husband, kids, keep the house clean to live a better life…..it is just too much for working mothers or matter of fact mothers to keep up with. Thanks for stopping over.