Guest Post by Daria of Mom In Management
Everyone always wants to know how I balance my full time career, 3 children, a marriage, blogging, house keeping, and me time. The honest truth is that I can’t – no one can. But hang on…there are truisms that may help you get as close to balance as possible.
Supposing all priorities were created equally, your day may look something like this:
- 4 hours at work,
- 4 hours with kids,
- 4 hours for hubs,
- 4 hours blogging,
- 4 hours for me; and
- 4 hours for sleep.
But guess what? All priorities are not equal and there are certain physical and financial needs that must be met. So, let’s go through these one by one.
Let’s start with the easy one – Sleep.
To realize the full benefits of sleep, most people need a solid 8 hours. If you are shorting sleep in an effort to do it all, you are kidding yourself. You are not only shorting yourself of the physical benefits of sleep, you are also shorting your marriage, your children, and your employer. Because let’s face it, an overtired mom isn’t nearly as patient or fun as a fully rested one, an overtired employee isn’t as productive, and not many husbands want to hear “I’m too tired.”
But, most importantly? I am nearing 40. I need all the beauty help that sleep can give me! 
Tip #1 – Get 8 hours of sleep.
Another easy one – House keeping.
If you find out you have Stage 4 cancer tomorrow, are you going to worry that your bathroom needs to be cleaned? Or that there are footprints on the wood floor?
I am fairly sure that 95% of you would answer “No”. If you are part of the 5% that does care that much, then maybe that me time of yours is the time you spend cleaning. Or, even better, consider getting a job that entails cleaning since it is your obsession passion.
For the pig-sty dwellers rest of us, there is a certain level of cleanliness that must be maintained to be sanitary. But a house that is too clean causes your kids to develop allergies and is unnecessary. So give yourself a break. Does the floor need to be swept every day? Or the carpet vacuumed? No. Once a week is sufficient for basic maintenance. Along those lines, do you have to be the one that does all the cleaning? No. Get your kids involved and hubs too. Make the tasks age appropriate, but there is no reason why your kids can’t help with sweeping, vacuuming, dusting or at least cleaning the mirrors and glass surfaces. Most times they actually like it too! And for those of you that can afford it, hire a cleaning company. It is an amazing gift to the whole family.
Tip #2- Get the whole family involved. Turn on some up beat music and spend an hour or two cleaning up together.
Work
Most jobs require 8 hours per day or 40 hours per week in some form or another. Add commuting time to that and it is typically 9 hours per day or more. This is fairly non-negotiable for most families; however, before you say that you have to work that much, take a step back and look at your expenses. Do you have a car payment? Cable TV? Cell phones? Eat out?
Guess what. Those are all luxuries – not necessities. Before you lament your work taking away from family or other things you’d like to do, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you need to live in a house that large?
- Drive a car that new?
- How many of the channels you have do you actually watch? Is there a package that fits better or could you watch movies instead?
- How much are you spending on dinners out?
My point being that we as Americans have a lot of things we think we need that are actually wants. Balance comes when you find a quality of life that provides what you need and a few wants – but not necessarily every want. Life is out of balance when work, or any of the items, consume too much of your time and attention.
For many of us, myself included, I am a better mom for having time away from my family. The adult interaction and recognition I get from work gives me energy to bring to my marriage and kids rather than taking energy from me. However, my kids have various needs that happen between 8 and 5. They don’t just shut down and wait for work to be done. Therefore, I choose to work for a company and in a position that allows me flexibility. I can volunteer at the kids’ school and make up my time another day, or at night, or just not take pay for it. Flexibility is necessary and pretty widely available. If you don’t have it now, then consider switching employers or positions.
Finally, if you love what you are doing at work, then work can satisfy much of your me time need. You are energized by your work, look forward to it, and therefore don’t need as much time to rejuvenate with me time as you might otherwise. It’s easier said than done, but take a look at whether your job gives energy to you or takes energy from you – not on a day to day basis, because that will change depending on the day, but in general. If it drains you more than energizes you, consider switching jobs.
Tip #3 – Consider reducing your expenses.
Tip #4 – Find a job that supports flexibility.
Tip #5 – Work at something you love – find your passion.
Parenting, Marriage and Me Time
This is where the real struggle usually comes when trying to find balance in your life. How do you balance the needs of your children with the needs of your marriage and your individual needs. If you are looking for a magic formula, you will fail. Why? For similar reasons to why you can’t just give every priority 4 hours. Each minute spent with your kids, husband, or for yourself is not created equally. All time spent is valuable, don’t get me wrong, but there are some moments more important than others:
- The day your kid gets picked on walking home from school isn’t equal to a normal night in front of the TV.
- A family dinner is not equal to the day your kid gets his driver’s license or your daughter is asked to the school dance.
- Sitting next to your husband watching the news isn’t equal to a romantic weekend away.
- The night you are recognized for your volunteer work isn’t equal to an hour reading a book.
Even if you are a Stay at Home Mom, you will miss some parenting moments. You may be at the grocery store or dropping your son off at soccer practice when the phone call comes with the invitation to prom. You can’t be there for every significant event in your child’s life. It just isn’t possible.
But you can create a relationship with them that encourages them to share those moments with you and allow you to celebrate with them.
Tip #6 – Eat dinner together and have 2 questions everyday for everyone – What was your favorite thing today? What was your worst one?
What advice do you have for adding balance to your life?
Daria is a working mom in Colorado balancing life between the boardroom and the classroom. During the day she leads a team of employees, at night and on the weekends, she and her husband are led around by their 3 kids. She writes with a sense of humor about her life – including leadership tips and business trends, parenting, marriage, and staying sane. You can connect with Daria on Mom In Management , twitter and Facebook.
These are all great ways to find balance.
I especially like the part about cutting back. So many people complain, but if they took a look at themselves from the other side, they would see that there are a lot of things/stuff they don’t need and would make life easier.
I agree with you Krystyn. Its so easy to try to do everything and before you know it, you barely have time for yourself. Sometimes, its just better to cut out the unimportant and focus on things that add value. Its the only way to find balance.
I hear people stressed about money, stressed about working so much, stressed about not having balance and then look at all the “toys” they have or the expenses they think are necessary and don’t understand why that correlation is so difficult for some people to understand. It is difficult, because of course we want our cake and to eat it too – but sometimes that just isn’t possible, so pick your priorities and learn to live within them.
Thank you for your comment Krystyn!
Tip #6- GREAT! We may not eat dinner together every night but we always talk about the day. My little one gets to tell us what his favorite thing was at school. It’s a great way to decompress and he gets to share what he did at school. It also invites more conversation about the books he read or what he played with at play time, etc. Tip #4- Finding a flexible work environment, if you have it… helps ease the juggle/balance. Thanks Blessing!
Thanks Steph. Daria is so freaking smart. I was reading this over again yesterday and I just about wrote down on my journal every single tip. That dinner piece struck a chord with me, because we are lacking in that area since my husband is out of town. But as soon as he returns, we’ll start it back up.
Thank you Steph and Blessing! I am blushing.
For many years we only asked about favorite things at dinner because I wanted to focus on the positive. But about 2 years ago, we were gently coached to add worst thing too – because the bad things that happen are defining moments and worth discussing and showing support for also. It’s been interesting to see the results.
Even our 2 year old – now 3 year old – shares her day with us. Granted her favorite thing almost every day is the Spongebob ride she went on 2 months ago, but it still gets her talking and gives everyone “the floor” for a few minutes every day. It also sparks conversation much better than “How was school?” “Fine.” “What did you do today?” “Nothing.”
Those were my answers when my parents tried talking to me as a teenager anyway!
Thank you again Blessing for inviting me to guest post! I can’t wait to host you on Friday!
Gosh, my daughter is on the Dora ride for the past 4months. She spends half of her day watching reruns on Netflix. But on the real. she is a talker. When I get back from work, she is busy talking about what her day was, and how well she is doing with her alphabets, numbers and shapes. I will be utilizing the dinner time as soon as we have our routine on the lockdown.
Thanks for guest posting! I look forward to working with you more
What a great post! Thanks Daria and thanks Blessing for hosting. I really like tips #1, 2 and 6. I have young children and I think turning up the tunes while we’re doing housework will make it more enjoyable for all of us. Thanks again.
Thanks Trish. Daria got me hooked on those tips too. I am definitely utilizing these tips going forward
Just curious if you’ve tried the music yet? If so, did it work for you guys?
Yay Daria! I’m glad you wrote this post! My life is a huge balancing act and that is for sure none of them are delved out equally. I wake up each day know I will not be able to complete it all…but I’m ok with that. I have a check list and if I get half way done with things on each check list, its a good day!
Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs
Thanks Heather. I think we all agree about Daria, that she is freaking smart. I couldnt come up with a better idea than asking two questions every night on the dinner table. Heading over to your blog now
Get 1/2 of the things done? That is a FABULOUS day!
Daria, thanks for such a wonderful post. Finding balance is something I think we all work on most of the time…it’s never ending! Great tips!
Exactly, balance is never ending, and thats why its called balance, its similar to change because it is a continuous process. Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
Allergies, huh? Well, we don’t want those do we. To hell with the extra cleaning.
Seriously, this is smart advice. It boils down to expectations. Setting realistic expections may mean that laundry sits in the chair a few days. We have to make ourselves okay with that. Juggling children, work, home and husbands is possible as long as we understand how to accept imperfection.
Accepting imperfection is something I am trying lately myself. I have moved from trying to be perfect to allowing myself breach some boundaries and focusing on value added activities.
I agree and yep, that allergy thing really validated my preferred house keeping strategy! (or lack thereof)
Love the tip about having 2 questions for everyone at the end of the day. And it is so true that we as busy moms have to prioritize and see what is most important. Thanks for a great post with lots of inspiration for how to manage our busy days.
I have teenage kids, and I often ask them straight out for what they need and how they think the day went. They are now at an age where they actually answer me. Cool Ha!.
That was one of my best tips too. I wish my daughter was old enough so I could ask her questions. I hope to start that tradition regardless. Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Daria-
So happy to see a full night’s rest as a top priority. Without that, we cannot function at any level resembling productive, and happy. My friends and family used to laugh at me when my son was born, and bedtime was 8:30 pm. Needless to say, I had the last laugh, and the bag-free eyes to show for it;).
I also appreciate you mentioning the luxuries, that many consider necessities. I recently quit my Netfix subscription b/c unopened movies were languishing, and that stressed me out.
Something’s gotta give in the balancing act of life.
Thanks for the reminders, and wonderful tips:).
Amen to sleep. I get my undisturbed 8hrs of sleep. Its what keeps me sane. At first I operated under the impression that I was wasting away 1/3 of my life by sleeping for 8hrs in 24hr period of a day but really I was doing myself a favor because sleep helps you re-arrange and reorganize your thoughts, and even body tissue. its an essential recipe for long life. Thanks for your comments
Great article! I agree abt the cutting back….so many ppl think they need a Mercedes & a Ford….why not two Fords? I dont even consider that cutting back,,bu there are ppl who do!
Kathy, I think most people are just too materialistic. I have friends that are letting their house foreclose on them because they dont like the house anymore….and they are moving into a much larger and beautiful house. It just bothers me.
That is fantastic advice that should be sent out through the world. I like the fact you mentioned that if you like your job, that could me your me time. I also consider the commute, although not enjoyable, me time.
LisaDay
Thanks LisaDay. Daria did cover a lot of grounds in this blog post.
I agree that my commute can satisfy some of that reflective time that I need for “me” time. Especially if there is good music on and I refuse to make or take phone calls it is almost like meditation.
Wow, that;s amazing….and we all pay for that in some way….I feel bad when you say that. but thanks for your reply.
We pay for it in a lot of ways because other houses in the neighborhood are depreciated in value
I love that you flat out say that you do NOT balance it all. Of course, we all reach for that goal but seriously don’t achieve it. I always ask myself how women like you get it all done and have in turn been asked how I get it all done. It is a compliment, but we owe it to each other as women to share that we don’t stack up as well as other think we do and then fake it that rest of the way!
Thanks fabulousJES. I have reached for so many goals and I am yet to balance them still. Its definitely an ongoing battle. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
Absolutely Jes! And you do seem to have an amazing balance in your life – you focus on your priorities – have enough to give to your kids, your marriage and value your “me” time too. You definitely inspire me!
I must say, paying for cleaning every so often helps. I spend $80 to have my entire house cleaned maybe every three months. I would love to do it more often but don’t feel I can justify the expense. It helps me get more of the hubby and kiddo time in.
Ooh, that sounds great! I’ll have to get that service name from you – that would be perfect for us too.
Nice post! Great advice on a very important topic, keeping life in balance! Thanks Blessing for this contribution. Okay! I cannot resist asking, and I love your name! So, What’s it like to be a blessing, Blessing? : )
Athena, its great to be a blessing because everywhere I go, I find God’s favor
LOL – isn’t that such a positive image when you hear her name? Just makes me smile every time.
A smart and engaging post with all the right advice based on all the right thinking…at least from my point of view. Your first note rang so true…It is first about sleep. Then revisiting our needs v. wants and getting real about what truly matters. Truth is we can’t have it all because we’re not supposed to. We’re simply supposed to do the right things to care for each other and ourselves in healthy ways. Everything else is gravy! Thanks for a terrific read. ~Dawn
Those words definitely struck me “is we can’t have it all because we’re not supposed to”. You are right on. Life itself is an ongoing battle, we just have to do our best and leave the rest. Thanks for your thoughtful comment Dawn.
Thank you Dawn. I’m so glad everyone related so well to this post.
Yep, these are all great strategies. I tried really hard to keep a perfect house all the time, until I realized that cleaning was zapping my energy and making it so I couldn’t do the ME things that I really needed. Now I am totally fine leaving toys on the ground and dishes in the sink a few days in a row, because the trade off is worth it.
I also try to schedule in some “nights off” once a week. After the kids go to bed I don’t do anything responsible, but instead just watch TV with the hubs. It’s a nice refresher and I look forward to it as a haven in the middle of my week.
Lindy, thats a good idea that you are scheduling time off one night a week. Its definitely a must try for me, as my husband has complained that I stay busy even after work. Hope you are having a nice week, thanks for your thoughtful comments. Its really good to have a community of women that share thesame interest.